Sebastian Salazar once described his native city as “Lima the Horrible.” Herman Melville cited Lima as the “saddest city on earth.” I’m afraid I also detest Lima. The past three Saturdays I have traveled to Peru’s capital, and returned home exhausted, cold, and miserable.
Despite its elegant Spanish colonial architecture, its rich history, culture, and sophistication, I cannot bring myself to conjure up warm feelings for the metropolis. Among the graceful churches, balconies, and palaces one may find Kentucky Fried Chicken, Dunkin Donuts, Pizza Hut, McDonalds and any number of gastronomic “treasures” that we both cherish and abhor in the United States. When walking around the city, I constantly feel like I’m going to be robbed—if not by the pickpockets that skulk around the Plaza de Armas, then by the temptation of a 14 soles cup of coffee at Starbucks where many of the other aspirantes have taken distinct pleasure in purchasing some java goodness. Additionally, Lima is currently experiencing winter, which translates to chilly, foggy, and gray days. When one arrives in Lima, they immediately become enshrouded in a misty dullness that is so far from cheery that it’s no wonder nobody smiles. To top off all this misery, one is faced with the daunting task of returning home, where there are two main options: taxi or combi. The taxi offers a quicker, more comfortable option. However, one must find a driver willing to drive to Chaclacayo, negotiate the price of the journey, and make sure the car has proper markings before getting into the vehicle. While this might not seem so bad, it is not easy. I have heard horror stories of taxi drivers robbing their passengers or driving to remote locations where others have held up the passengers. What’s more, the simple crime of being a gringo makes the negotiation process exponentially more difficult. The first time a group of us attempted it, we were told the trip to Chaclacayo would cost 80 soles (it should be between 25 and 35). Thus, I am not too fond of the taxi option. To take the combi, one has only to climb on and pay 2.5 soles...yes, it seems easy, but please read on. The trip takes just under two hours to get to Chaclacayo, possibly standing the whole way. The combis are jammed so tight with people that the risk of being robbed is just as great, only it will most likely be less overt—think artful dodger: better than having a gun rammed into your temple, but either way you lose your cell phone, wallet and ipod. One becomes intimately acquainted with the body odors and curves of those pressed up against them, and as the vehicle comes to a screeching halt to squeeze more passengers on, it becomes necessary multitask like one has never multitasked before: suck in your stomach to make two more inches of space for people, protect your backpack under your right armpit, clench the railing with your left hand (this can take a great deal of strength, particularly if you are toward the front of the combi, because everyone else is launched into you and in most instances the rails are remarkably greasy), remain alert/keep your eyes darting in every direction, and pray that those who are breathing down your neck and grasping the same railings are not passing on some funky disease. Finally, taking the combi does not ensure that you will reach your destination. On my first trip home from Lima, the driver lost his license half way through the journey and everyone had to get off the vehicle and find another combi home. I loathe making the trip to Lima.
